


If I could learn to trust

by InLust



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Angst, Co-pilots, F/F, Fluff, Slow Burn, Sparring, The Drift (Pacific Rim), Trust Issues, Unresolved Sexual Tension, flirty badass Alex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-07-21 22:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7408309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InLust/pseuds/InLust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex hasn't let anyone in her head in the last five years since the first Category Four Kaiju attack off the coast of National City. It was the day she lost her co-pilot, her little sister. But the world is still ending and they need a few good pilots.</p><p> </p><p>  <em>pacific rim au</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. part i

**Author's Note:**

> So hi...I am just going to leave this here. I am new to this ship but i love it so much already and i couldn't help writing this. it's a long fic...probably my longest one shot which is like crazy BUT anyways some notes: everyone is as they are ie Kara a Kryptonian, Hank as a Martian but they aren't strong enough to fight Kaijus because i'd probably have no plot to it 
> 
> This is mostly from Alex's POV so stick with her! i'm trying out something new with my writing in terms of characterization and what not so stick with me! this is a real slow burn and it's just...going to keep burning 
> 
> also this is legit a random idea that i had because i feel like lucy and alex would totally be amazing jaeger pilots so i hope you all enjoy!

Alex doesn’t know how she gets herself into these situations anymore. She isn’t a superhuman. She isn’t anyone special. She isn’t a hero. 

The blow to her face comes quickly and suddenly that she barely has time to register it. Especially under the haze of whiskey. There’s going to be a few bruises but Alex brings her fists back up. She can take this guy--these guys. 

“Little bitch thinks she can take us,” the burly one says as he flicks open his switchblade.

Alex rolls her eyes. Of  _ course _ , someone brings a knife to a  _ fist  _ fight. 

Burly bearded one eggs him on, “I know how she can take us. But would she be able to  _ handle  _ us?”

_ See? _ Comments like that is how Alex ends up into these fights. She looks at the blonde woman huddled in the corner of the alley. “Get out of here, I’ve got it.”

The blonde doesn’t look like she wants to leave but Alex sees a flash of her sister that makes her heart hurt. “Go!” she yells angrily. “ _ Now _ !” The girl nods and rushes out of the alley. 

The men just snigger like they’ve got her pinned. Very  _ little  _ did they know. 

“Alright, big boys, show me what you got.” Alex holds up her fists.

The burly one rushes first with a knife and Alex grabs his wrist and hits his elbow before using her weight to throw him against the wall. The bearded one looks pissed off and rushes towards her fists up, which is his mistake. He does his cute little warcry as his knife wielding buddy comes at her again. 

Twenty three seconds later, Alex walks over two writhing bodies without a second glance out of the alley. Maybe her drink is still sitting on the bar. 

“Alexandra Danvers?” 

Alex wipes her bleeding lip with the back of her hand.  _ Great, now what? _ “Alex.” 

“Excuse me?” 

Alex looks to the sound of the voice. A gorgeous woman, petite and slim, stands before her in a regulated Army uniform she hasn’t seen since the second Kaiju attack off of the coast of Oregon. No one is in the army anymore, there is no army. Just the Jaeger Program. 

Alex sniffles at the winter air. “I go by Alex.”

The woman raises an eyebrow and Alex already feels her nerves being grated. She wants something. And surely enough in the next sentence, “Major Lucy Lane. I am here to speak to you about the Jaeger Program.”

_ There it is. _ Alex feels her whole chest tighten like that moment off the coast of National City. Her whole left side seizes, but she carries herself whole and tall. “You’ve got the wrong person.” She starts walking away. She carries her left arm with her, opening and closing her fist. Her nerves still hurt even though there’s no wound. 

There’s a clicking behind her and Alex turns her head to see Major Lucy Lane cantering behind her. 

“You’re Alexandra--Alex Danvers--you were a Ranger co-pilot for the Supergirl,” Major Lucy Lane recites as if she’s memorized every detail from her file. “Born and raised in Midvale, California. You graduated top of your class at UC Berkeley with a Master’s Degree in Biomedical Engineering. Halfway through your doctorate you dropped out and became one of the first recruits for the third wave of the Jaeger Program.”

“Wow, sounds like a smart girl who made some stupid decisions,” Alex quips sarcastically as she keeps walking. She shoves her hands into her leather jacket and keeps going. 

“Sounds like someone extraordinary, considering she was also one of the most skilled Jaeger pilots that the program has ever graduated, top of the class as well.”

Alex stops in her tracks so suddenly that Lucy almost bumps into her. “If you’re asking me to top someone else, there’s only one way I’d like to do it,” she throws back more lecherously than she needs to. The look on Lucy’s face is priceless though. 

Lucy looks stunned for a moment before she stares disapprovingly. “Seven deployments, three against Category 2 Kaijus, three against Category 3 Kaijus, and one against a Category 4 Kaiju.” Alex’s jaw tightens because she knows what comes next. “That Category 4 was solo.”

Alex scoffs a laugh and averts her eyes. She feels the weight on her chest. “Listen, Major Lane, you’re looking for the wrong person,” Alex says harshly. “So unless you’re going to join me for a drink and let me take you to back to mine. We have nothing to talk about.” 

Alex doesn’t wait for an answer. She smirks in triumph before turning to enter the bar. 

\-------------------

The ghost drifting doesn’t go away. It will never go away.  After having someone in your head for so long, someone that you share memories with, it’s hard to shake the feeling away. Alex feels the headache form between her eyes. She throws back another shot of whiskey in response. 

She rubs her eyes. 

_ ‘We’ve got this, Alex.’ Kara smiles brighter than a golden retriever as she bounds next to Alex. It’s hard to think that Kara Danvers, her superhuman adoptive sister, is a strong, ruthless Kaiju fighter. Maybe she gets it from being in Alex’s head all the time. ‘Are you ready for this? Can you believe it? Category 4 Kaiju! Nothing like this before.’ _

_ Alex smiles at her sister. ‘Let’s not let it get to our heads.’  _

_ Kara laughs happily as she throws her arm around Alex’s shoulder. ‘Not with you in my head.’  _

_ The older woman rolls her eyes. ‘Come on, you dork. We’ve got a Kaiju to slay.’  _

_ The blonde whoops happily as she pulls Alex along. _

“Bartender, a glass.”

Alex recognizes the voice and picks up her head. “Major Lucy Lane. I suppose you’ve taken up my offer.” She leans against the bar on her good side. 

The Major grabs the bottle of whiskey Alex bought and pours herself a glass. “I am not going to leave you alone until you come back to the Shatterdome with me.”

National City. Her last battle. The battle Kara--- 

Alex snatches the bottle back from the other woman and pours herself another shot before knocking it back. “There’s nothing there for me. I’m not going back there.”

“There are hundreds and thousands of lives out there that still need saving. Not everyone can escape inland and even if they could, how long before the Kaijus realize they can make it on the land? We’ve pushed them back as far as we could, but you know how hard that is.”

Alex pours herself another shot. “And what makes you think that whatever I do is going to make a difference?”

Major Lane’s hand holds the shot but she doesn’t take it. “You’re trained as an expert in hand to hand combat in several disciplines, muay thai, krav maga, tae kwon do, jiu jitsu. You’re an excellent marksman.” Alex scoffs. “Not only do you excel in these fields, you have the flexibility and adaptability to still pilot.”

Alex throws back her shot and doesn’t hesitate to take the one Major Lane has poured for herself. She feels something biting into her left arm and pours herself another shot. “Sounds like a load of bull.”

Major Lane narrows her eyes. “You’re making this difficult for me.” It’s a statement and not a question. Alex can hear the annoyance and anger underneath it all.

“You just need to realize that I’m not a pilot anymore,” Alex pours herself another shot.

Major Lane snatches the bottle as Alex finishes pouring, before pouring her own drink. “Once a Ranger, always a Ranger, Alex, no matter how much you try to forget.” She throws back her shot with so much ease that Alex is almost impressed. 

Then she gets up from her stool. The Ranger doesn’t pay much attention until she feels a hand on her shoulder and breath hot against her ear. “You’ll come back with me, Alex Danvers,” the Major declares. 

Alex bites her lip and stares at the soldier. Major Lane looks seriously at her before turning around and walking out the door. It’s hard not to notice the sashay of her hips even in the stiff wool uniform. 

“Interesting,” Alex muses as she picks up the bottle. Another shot will do. Even if she isn’t going to forget Major Lucy Lane.

\-------------------

_ They’re getting beaten. That never happens. Maybe she shouldn’t have let Kara into her head so much. The unbridled confidence was bordering arrogance in the field. She had been the grounded one but now they being pummeled. _

_ ‘Come on, Alex, hang on!’ Kara yells as she lifts their left arm to push the Red Wave off of Alex’s side.  _

_ Alex feels paralyzed briefly but lets her brain catch up. Kara’s mind pushing into hers to carry her through the pain. She clenches her fist to raise her arm, cannon charging as the Category IV Kaiju screams in anger.  _

_ They were going to win. They were going to beat this. They were going to make it home. No matter how impossible it seemed. _

_ The cannon shoots as the Kaiju rushes towards them. They watch as the blue light slams into the side of it’s red mouth, tearing through its rippling flesh, bursting with a dark ocean blue blood. The sound it makes sends shivers down their spine as it writhes in pain.  _

_ ‘Ready for me?’ Kara yells as she looks over with a mischievous smile. She holds her left fist up. _

_ Alex moves in sync with her. Winding up the Supergirl’s southpaw. She can hear the mechanical whirring, the extra flair of energy racing to the arm.  _

_ In a single motion, they punch forward and lurch with the Jaeger. They hear the metal meet flesh and the Kaiju howls in pain as they punch into its already bleeding wound. The Kaiju falls underneath the wintry waters. The waves aren’t settled though. _

_ Alex charges the canon again. They could actually beat this thing.  _

_ ‘Let’s bring it home, Alex, Kara says with joy.’ She smiles as bright as the day she graduated high school. The day she got her first job. The day she became a Danvers.  _

_ Alex feels her heart swell. The memory of the first time Alex calls Kara her sister flashes before her eyes. That’s when Kara smiles the brightest.  _

_ There’s a loud screech, the sound of metal scraping, the sound of Alex screaming as her left side gets ripped away from her body, her mind fractures, and all Alex hears is the sound of Kara screaming her name through all of it. _

_ Alex yells for her sister as the cold air whips in cuts her face. There’s a loud beeping and Alex howls through the pain as she fires the cannon away.  _

The light hits her face suddenly and Alex jumps to the sudden change. 

She’s not in the bar. She’s staring at the ceiling. Her ceiling. The stain from the leaky pipe upstairs is right above her. 

Alex sits up in bed, not sure how she got there. She looks down at herself. Her clothes from the night before still on, shoes and all. She looks over at the nightstand and sees a sliver of paper dancing from the breeze rolling into her room pinned underneath a sweating glass of water.

She drinks the glass of water and picks up the note to read. 

_ The world needs you, Alex Danvers.  _

The script is unfamiliar but Alex has an inkling as to who wrote it. Too bad it doesn’t matter because not even a superhuman survived a Kaiju. 

\-------------------

It turns out that Alex sleeps through half of the day to get rid of her hangover. She keeps to her routine, workout, shower, read. It takes a subconscious reminder to check the time before she realizes that she’s hungry. 

She goes to the Chinese restaurant down the street that serves a mean scorpion bowl. 

When she enters, the last person she expects is sitting in her usual booth.  

Major Lucy Lane, in her uniform and all, is sitting in her booth, waiting patiently as the food gets set down before her. 

“Twice in two days, Major Lane, I think you have a crush on me.” Alex says standing in front of the table. She doesn’t sit. Her eyes remain locked on the other woman’s closely. 

“This is hardly a social call,” Major Lane narrows her eyes. “Please sit, it’d be a shame for this food to go to waste.”

Alex dubiously stares. Then she recalls that the major had the opportunity to drug her at the bar and hadn’t done that. She sits down and slowly unfurls the chopsticks from the fabric napkin. “I don’t take any calls that aren’t social, just so you know.”

“Trust me, I think you’ve made it abundantly clear.” The Major also unfurls her own chopsticks. “You know why I am here.”

“I wonder what gave that away,” Alex sarcastically comments as she picks up her bowl to shovel the rice in her mouth. 

Major Lane lets out a low sigh. “The world is ending and you’re letting it, Alex Danvers.”

“Okay, dramatic much?” The swirling tightness in her stomach returns. Red flashes quickly in her mind. Alex ignores it and keeps eating. 

“The Kaiju are relentless, they are coming in waves unlike anything we’ve ever seen before. People are dying.”

Alex twitches. She knows that too well. She’s seen cities and islands lay wasted in the aftermath of a Kaiju attack. Even as she helped to save large cities, there were many people they couldn’t save.

She pulls a sliver of beef onto her bowl and acts like she isn’t listening. 

“The walls you’ve helped built are going to come down. The only way we can fight this, the only way we can protect our people, is to keep fighting. Even if we are beaten down, we have to keep fighting.” 

Alex sits up straight and inhales. The woman pauses in the middle of her thought for her response. Instead, Alex dumps a few pieces of chicken in her bowl and shovels it in her mouth with rice. 

The Major huffs. “The Jaeger Program has expanded but the new recruits are nowhere near your caliber. We need your skills in a Jaeger again. I need you.” 

Alex raises an eyebrow. She sets her bowl down and chopsticks on top with a clink. She swallows the ball of rice in her throat before staring. “Major Lucy Lane, don’t you think it’s a little too soon to shack up with me?” 

This elicits a blush across Major Lane’s cheeks. “I need your skills,” she clarifies as she regains her composure. Alex smirks before lifting her bowl again.

“Hundreds of qualified recruits and you’re telling me no one has my level of skill?”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Don’t flatter me,” Alex deadpans for clarification. She can be an ass but she wasn’t arrogant. She was only the best because of her co-pilot. 

“What will it take for you to come back?” There’s a sound of desperation in her voice as Major Lane stares at Alex. 

This doesn’t matter. However desperate Major Lane sounds. However desperate the world is. Alex can’t do it again. No one understands that she can’t co-pilot ever again because even if she tried, there are still parts of Kara in her head. There are still parts of her sister lodged in her mind like they were her own memories. 

Alex sees the red flash before her eyes again. She feels the twist in her stomach. No one has asked her to do this in a long time. There is a reason she left the Jaeger program and never came back. Because fighting the apocalypse will never bring Kara back.

“Major Lane, do you know what it’s like to have someone in your head? Do you know what it’s like to have a neural handshake that doesn’t stop even after the mission is over? Do you know what it’s like to hear the screams of your partner in the drift? Do you know what it’s like to see both perspectives simultaneously? Do you know what it’s like to lose someone that you love, that you’re supposed to protect until your dying breath, while they are  _ still  _ in your head?”

Alex clenches the chopsticks in her hand, nails digging into her palm. She doesn’t want to cry. But all she can hear, think, and see is Kara clear as day in her mind. 

Major Lane doesn’t react for a moment. She takes in what Alex says, she thinks about it for a few moments. Then her jaw clenches and she looks Alex dead in the eyes. “Alex, we have all lost someone that we’ve loved. But do you want to die here doing nothing but drink yourself into a stupor day in and out or do you want to die fighting for the memories of the people we’ve lost?”

\-------------------

_ What would Kara do? _

_ What would Kara want me to do? _

Alex crosses her arms, her back is pressed against her seat. She isn’t impressed with Major Lane’s showcase off the helipad. It’s not like she doesn’t want to be there, but there’s an unsettling sensation in the pit of her stomach. She’s going back to the Shatterdome without her sister. 

“You’re doing a good thing, Ranger,” Major Lane yells across the helicopter. 

Her words cut through her train of thought. Alex stares back at the other woman and nods. It was never bad to be a hero. That’s something she learned from Kara everyday because they didn’t stop saving lives outside of the Jaeger. 

Major Lane looks happy as she stares. No one has stared at her with a smile in a long time. Alex had no reason to return one. So she shuts her eyes and sleeps for the duration of the trip.

\-------------------

When they land in the Shatterdome, Alex sees two men through the crowd awaiting her arrival. One man she recognizes as a Marshall Henshaw. The other, another one from the army. 

The Marshall sees her first. He looks relieved as he moves to meet her halfway. The man behind him follows.

“Ranger Danvers,” Hank greets with his hand outstretched.

Alex grabs his hand in a firm handshake. Hank’s handshake was a tentative question. He hadn’t seen her since she left. It feels like it’s been forever.

“I’m surprised you’re here.”

“You mean you didn’t send your lackey to come get me?” Alex asks as she jerks her head towards Major Lane. 

Hank raises an eyebrow at the woman standing behind Alex. 

“Marshall Henshaw,” she greets casually. 

“Lucy,” the man in dress says firmly. For a second, Alex does a double take at the name. He doesn’t look happy at all to see the Major. The tension is so thick that Alex feels uncomfortable standing there without whiskey. He sends her a sharp look before looking at Alex. His hand stiffly comes forward. “General Lane.”

Alex looks at Hank.  _ Yikes _ . She takes General Lane’s hand. “Pleasure to meet you sir,” she greets before raising her eyebrows at Major Lane. 

“Ranger, I’ll show you to your quarters,” Lucy offers.

Hank interjects. “It’s alright, Major Lane, I’ll show her. I have plenty to discuss with Ranger Danvers.”

Alex just smiles politely at the General and the Major. She does see the family resemblance, the scowl is uncanny. After a few nods and a reminder of dinner in the mess hall, Hank is ushering her away from the Lanes. 

“So I didn’t know the Army was still a thing?” Alex says as her step falls in with Hank’s. She tugs her green bag over her shoulder.

“There’s a lot in the past couple of years, you’ve missed out on,” Hank informs as they turn the corner. There are people left and right that Hank easily maneuvers through, while Alex takes a moment to find her footing. “Just because the world is at war with monsters, it doesn’t stop the terrorists.”

“What does that mean?” 

“There have been few Army branches that are still utilized today.”

“Are we working with the Army now?”

“It just so happens that General Lane’s division has recently been assumed by the Jaeger Program. He hasn’t been happy with it considering there are more men he has to handle than Jaegers.”

“So, what? He can’t handle a couple of logistical nightmares?”

“No, he seems to think we’re just grown adults playing a huge game of robots versus monsters.”

Alex laughs. “Alright, it’s  _ giant  _ robots versus monsters, thank you very much,” she jokes in return. 

Hank rolls his eyes at her. “I’m glad your sense of humor hasn’t changed.” She just shrugs at him. “In any case, General Lane presence shouldn’t be an issue here at the Shatterdome. We have plenty of men and women, soldiers or not, that we will have to work with.”

“So why the recruitment for Jaeger pilots?” Alex asks. 

“Not everyone can pilot a Jaeger, Alex, you know that. As much as General Lane seems to think that, his men haven’t been performing well during tests. They get as far as the neural handshake and then it falls apart.” Hank finally stops at an open door. “This is where you’ll be staying.”

Alex peers into the room. It’s a small space that she’s used to, extremely Spartan for a base. It’ll do. A thought crosses her mind and she has to ask, “So you didn’t send Major Lane to come get me?”

“She volunteered.” Alex looks at him skeptically before he puts his hands on her shoulders. “I’d be lying if I said I tried to stop Major Lane from getting you.” Alex stifles a laugh. “When you left, you left for a good reason. I wasn’t going to force you to come back if you weren’t ready. But we need you here more than ever.”

Alex bites the urge to roll her eyes. She nods in agreement though. She trusts Hank to the ends of the Earth. Hearing him say it to her, makes her want to be there. 

\-------------------

Major Lane doesn’t stay for dinner. She stops by to talk to some of the recruits from the army in her uniform. When she catches Alex’s eyes she nods a smile before walking off.

Alex stays at dinner to meet the new recruits, seeing a range of people. There are a lot of them that are completely new to the war against Kaijus but many of them aren’t far from a quick visit from the Angel of Death. The few that are completely green will probably stay that way for awhile. It reminds her of Kara’s verve and energy. 

They start to talk about their possible co-pilots and drift compatibility tests. It doesn’t interest Alex. She swallows the rest of her food before making her way back to her quarters. 

There’s someone standing outside of her door. A woman in a white tank top and dark green sweat pants. Alex observes the woman for a second before smirking.

“Major Lane, I wasn’t aware that you wore anything other than your uniform,” Alex steps down towards her room. It’s no surprise she checks out the Major. How often would she see her in the Shatterdome?

“Alex,” Major Lane turns at the sudden surprise. Her short bob moves with her. As casual as she looks, she still holds herself stiffly. “I was just making sure that your adjustment into the Shatterdome was going well.”

“Not my first rodeo, Major,” Alex says. “But this is the third time in three days you’ve come to visit me.” She stands in the woman’s space and realizes that without her heels, Major Lane is a couple inches shorter than her. “I think you like me.”

The woman scoffs before looking up at Alex. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

Alex shoots her a cheeky smile. “Don’t flatter me,” she flirts, earning a glare from Major Lane. She crosses her arms and feels her skin brush against Major Lane’s chest briefly. “So tell me Major Lane, why did you come get me?”

Major Lane looks confused at the question. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I heard you volunteered,” Alex goes on. “In my opinion, that’s a very sweet gesture. But what do you get out of it?” 

She purses her lips at Alex, it’s hard not to look but Alex keeps her eye contact with the shorter woman. Major Lane’s eyes flit to Alex’s lips though. She bites her lips and swallows something thick in her throat. Alex licks her lips and leans in because she feels like she knows the answer. 

There’s a loud clatter down the hall and Major Lane pulls back from whatever was going to happen. She quickly side steps around Alex. “You should rest, Ranger Danvers, tomorrow is going to be a long day.” 

Alex stares at the woman curiously as she just walks backwards across the hall. Major Lane steps into the room across from Alex’s. “You’re staying in that room?” She raises an eyebrow playfully. 

Her eyes widen at the oncoming implication. Alex doesn’t even need to say it. Major Lane just scoffs and moves to shut the door. “Goodnight, Ranger Danvers.”

“Goodnight, Major Lane.”

\-------------------

It isn’t just a long day; it turns out to be a long week. Alex cannot believe this at all. When Hank told her that not everyone was fit to be a pilot, she didn’t quite understand the gravity of his statement. She forgets that she wasn’t trained as a soldier, she was never a soldier. She’s a scientist at heart first and the piece that Kara leaves in her is the fighter and survivor. 

Yet, everyone she’s been fighting with is a soldier. There are only two ways that a battle ends, in victory and in loss. That isn’t how drift compatibility works. No one seems to get it as they go head to head against Alex. Hank makes it no secret that Alex Danvers is one of the best pilots that was born out of the Jaeger Program. Everyone knows that she’s the  _ smartest  _ fighter they’ve got going out into the field. 

That is if they could find her a co-pilot. 

The chances of that right now is highly unlikely. 

What a lot of people have failed to realize is the level of Alex’s aptitude. Especially in picking up a new fighting skill. Their mindset is too focused on how to beat her versus how to outsmart her. 

The staff is an awkward extension of her arm. She prefers to be up close and personal with her assailant. This works as well though. 

She holds up the staff as Winn’s comes down on hers. She swings her arms to push him aside before they spin in unison to prepare for the next hit. 

His eyes drop to the ground and Alex already has her staff coming down to block his attack. He’s stunned by her anticipation and doesn’t register the staff coming towards his neck. Alex wraps the staff around him, wraps her leg around the back of his knees and brings him to the ground. 

She catches her breath because she’s tired. Winn is the eighth test of the morning and Alex is sure that she has twelve more to go for the rest of the day. 

“Thank you, Mr. Schott,” General Lane says before muttering something to Hank. 

Major Lane has been with the two men for the past week, taking notes, and recording Alex’s movements and vitals. She’s been tight lipped and glowering every single day.

Alex lets go of Winn and shakes his hand before he gets off the mat. 

The woman shakes her head before she tics her jaw slightly. She looks like she wants to say something before she bites her bottom lip. 

“Vasquez, you’re next,” Hank orders before Alex can question the expression. 

Vasquez has worked in comms while Alex was co-piloting the Supergirl. She remembers the woman’s voice and her cheerful disposition. She also knows that Vasquez is a good fighter. The bout goes better than expected. 

Alex just tests the waters with her bo fighting. They get a good rhythmic rally in before Alex tries something different. Alex steps back and swings the bo staff wide that it catches the other woman off guard. Alex clenches her jaw as she goes in for another attack, she sees Vasquez block her side already and hits anyways. 

Vasquez blocks it easily and gains some confidence in her footing as she moves towards the offense. Her legs step forward purposefully, as she grips her staff steadily, hitting with the bottom before coming down. Alex blocking everyone of them with ease. 

Alex feels a tug at her lips. It’s the best fight she’s had all day. Vasquez blocks another attack before lunging forward. Alex swings her staff almost haphazardly in a circle to block the hit before spinning out of her range. Alex hops back and forth to remain agile and the other woman looks completely baffled. When she plants her feet, Vasquez doesn’t look as alarmed anymore. 

It takes three more points before Alex clocks her in the ankle and ends the match. The hit was unintentional but Alex never usually lands those. 

She helps Vasquez off the mat and sees General Lane converse with Hank briefly. On the side, Major Lane shakes her head again and her jaw tics before she bites her bottom lip.

Alex throws her hand up. “Alright, what is it?” she asks.

Her question breaks the silence in the room and catches everyone’s attention.

Hank moves to answer when Alex points the staff at the woman next to them. 

“Major Lane, would you like to share with the class?” Alex asks.

Major Lane’s eyebrows shoot up and she flaps her mouth a bit before saying, “It’s nothing, Ranger Danvers.”

Alex can’t help but scoff as she leans on her staff. “You say that but everyday, you’ve been making this face,” she exaggerates a bit with the head shake and lips but the woman seems genuinely offended, “after every fight. So what’s the problem?”

The two men and everyone else are staring at her for an answer. 

She squares her shoulders and balances her weight on her heels. She holds the tablet she’s been annotating on behind her. “You’re messing with everyone.”

Alex scrunches her face. “What?”

“You’re not taking this seriously. You’re messing with your opponents and you’re messing with the test.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You could’ve won that last match three points ago. If you weren’t fooling around of course,” Major Lane spits out angrily. Alex is taken aback by her intuition as she goes on. “Winn Schott, 2 points earlier. Max Lord, 5 points earlier. Siobhan Smythe, 1 point earlier. The list goes on and on.”

Hank comes to her defense, “It’s been a few years since Alex--”

“It’s okay, Hank,” Alex holds her hand up. She looks back at the woman, who’s been observing her this whole time. “Why don’t you come to the mat and show me what you have Major Lane?”

Major Lane is about to step on the mat when the general’s hand comes out in front of her. 

“Major Lane is not going to pilot a Jaeger,” he says definitively. “She doesn’t have the clearance to do so.” Major Lane shoots him an incredulous look before she regains her composure.

“I’m sure that her skills go beyond a desk jockey, General Lane,” Alex shoots back sarcastically. Hank actually sends her a look. “If she is observing how good my skills are, I want to see how well she handles them.” She can’t help but smirk at Major Lane. 

General Lane doesn’t have any of it though. “With all due respect, Ranger Danvers, leave it to us to help find your co-pilot.”

“With all due respect, General Lane, the purpose of this sparring is to find a viable partner to co-pilot with. It’s not just about winning or losing like you’ve been teaching your soldiers. If you knew that, we wouldn’t be having this issue with your men. Furthermore, at the end of the day, I get to decide who is allowed in my head. It’s been a week since we’ve started these tests and as you can see, there are no viable partners. If Major Lane has something to say about it, then by all means, I’d very much like to see if she is a viable option because she’s the only one in the room who seems to be paying attention to what’s  _ really  _ going on.”

Hank looks sadly at Alex as she stands before them, fists shaking at her side as she finishes yelling. Major Lane looks worried as she stand behind General Lane, who remains completely stoic.

He takes in Alex’s words before turning to Hank. He glances at her in sheer disappointment. “Well, Marshall, it looks like we have another  _ incompatible  _ civilian in our pile. We’re done here.” With that, General Lane leaves the training room. 

Major Lane shoots Alex an apologetic look before rushing after the general. 

Alex just shakes her head. She forgets for a moment how much she’s shaking before she turns around to leave in the opposite direction.

\-------------------

Alex doesn’t talk to anyone for the rest of the day.  She misses dinner, despite the whispers in her head reminding her to eat or else she’ll be tired. She isn’t tired though. She’s far from tired.

She hates to admit it, but she needs a drink. 

The thing is, even a drink won’t help this. The feelings she has. The reminders she gets. The memories she recalls. They’ll always be a part of her now. A piece of Kara will be a part of her no matter what. 

That was what came out earlier today. The haughty, playfulness that was Kara. That’s how Alex always remembers Kara. 

Part of her wants to say fuck it and just stop the notion of getting into a Jaeger ever again, so she can teach these “incompatible” people, but the other half of her misses being in a Jaeger. She misses the rush of victory, the feeling of hope in her heart after they defeat a Kaiju. 

She just doesn’t feel like she can do it without Kara. 

The restlessness in her bones brings her back to the training room. It’s late and she expects no one to be there. 

She hears the grunts and pants as she opens the door. 

Major Lucy Lane is in the training room, practicing with the bo. She moves with a strength and elegance that makes Alex forget that she’s a soldier. There’s no brute force or thoughtless move that the major makes. She truly uses the staff as an extension of her limbs, guiding it to strike where necessary. Even as she kicks herself into the air, she spins with grace like a dancer on water. 

Alex doesn’t say anything, entranced by the way the woman whirls the staff expertly around her body. She bends backwards before spinning over. For a moment, Alex thinks Major Lane will fall on her face, but she sticks the landing with the staff secure against her back in one arm. 

Alex claps, immediately breaking the spell the woman was under. 

The military woman breaks her stance to move towards her bag sitting against the wall. “Ranger Danvers,” she greets stiffly. 

Alex looks around. “We aren’t around people, Major Lane,” she says as she walks over to the other woman. 

“Your point?” She sits down on the mat and drinks her water.

“You usually call me Alex.” There’s a smirk on her lips as she sits down. 

A beat. 

“Lucy.”

Alex looks over at the other woman. 

“If you want me to call you, Alex, more often, you should call me, Lucy.” Major Lane--Lucy explains with a furtive smile. She takes another sip. 

“Lucy,” Alex bumps her shoulders, playfully. “Are you okay?”

The major lets out a light laugh. “You’re asking me if I’m okay? I should be the one asking you.”

“You looked upset when General Lane said you wouldn’t be a co-pilot. Want to explain how a general for a non-existent army branch still has control over you?” 

“General Lane is also my father.”

Alex fake gasps with a hand over her heart. “Oh my god. I wouldn’t have guessed.” Lucy gives her a disapproving look. “I didn’t want to assume. After all, we barely know a thing about each other. Actually, you know a lot more about me than I do about you. So, if you want this relationship to work, you’re gonna have to give me a little more traction here.”

“ _ Relationship _ ?” 

Alex can’t help but laugh. It was a joke but it’s clear Lucy is a bit serious. “You were the one that said you needed me.”

“I said I needed your  _ skills _ .”

“Selective memory. You know the whiskey and all.”

Lucy glares at her. “You only have two settings don’t you? Sarcastic and broody.”

Alex shrugs in return. “I mean, you really didn’t explain why you went out of your way to bring me back here. I don’t have any reason to be here. And apparently, as your father says, I am incompatible.”

“He’s wrong,” Lucy says quickly. Alex raises an eyebrow at her. “You’re not incompatible. You just haven’t found the right partner.”

Alex turns fully towards Lucy. She leans in a little too close that she can feel Lucy’s breath against her face. “Are you talking about you?” 

“Excuse me?”

“Do you want to be my co-pilot?”

Lucy takes a minute too long to answer. She bites her lip at her thought. 

“That’s why you personally went out of your way to come get me. That’s why you said you needed me. This is what you get out of it. You get me.” Alex smirks. “Don’t flatter me.”

Lucy scoffs but doesn’t move away. “I forgot about your third setting:  _ annoying _ .”

“You know how we can test whether or not we’re compatible?” Alex leans in a bit closer that the other woman gasps. She really doesn’t want to back down from Alex. “Let’s spar.”

Lucy pulls back in confusion. “What?” 

Alex jumps up from her spot and holds her hand out to Lucy. “You went out of your way to get me from Alaska. There is no one here to tell you no. Why not?” 

The major doesn’t take Alex’s hand and stands up on her own. She picks up her staff. “One condition.” 

“Go for it.”

“You pick your best fighting style against mine. No holding back. No counting points.”

Alex purses her lips but nods. It’s the least she can do for Major Lucy Lane. 

There is no counting to three. There is no set go. It’s just the two of them ready to fight at anytime. And without any prompting they begin with ease. 

Lucy sticks with her bojutsu. Alex prefers her close hand to hand combat. It should be interesting. They circle one another slowly and deliberately. Their steps match one another as Alex focuses on reading Lucy’s face. 

She understands bojutsu in the last couple of days she’s learned it. She understands the mechanics and technique, but how Lucy uses it? Her eyes remain locked onto the warm, chocolate brown ones. There’s a slight twitch that makes her clench her fist to ready herself. 

Lucy’s eyes gaze up and down her body. She’ll attack high then low. Lucy grips her staff and jabs it towards Alex’s face. Alex easily blocks the hit with her forearms. Lucy whips around to hit again. Blocked again. She steps back and lunges forward. Alex grabs the staff aimed for her stomach and pushes it back against the woman. She stumbles back, leaving Alex to shoot her a taunting smile. Nevertheless, the major remains focused. They start an unrehearsed dance. Attack, block, attack, parry. It’s like Lucy knows how to anticipate Alex and Alex finds herself easily understanding.

Alex finds her opening in the next attack. Her hand catching the staff and tugging but Lucy’s grip remains strong. Lucy’s learned to make the staff an extension of her limbs. What surprises Alex is that Lucy’s grip is strong with one hand as spins into Alex with a raised fist. 

The Ranger quickly catches the back of Lucy’s fist and pushes her away before letting go of her staff. While Lucy steadies herself, Alex drops to kick her but Lucy jumps just before Alex’s leg sweeps underneath her feet. Lucy quick steps back and readies her strike while Alex is on the ground, but the Ranger is too quick, rolling backwards out of range.

There is only one way, one simple way that Alex could win against Lucy. Disarm and attack. 

Lucy jabs again and Alex grabs the staff to disarm her, but Lucy keeps her grip strong, using the weight Alex wants to use against her, by rolling over Alex’s back. It’s a surprise when the woman lands behind her and suddenly the staff is being pressed against her chest. Despite the subtle height difference, Alex bends back to Lucy’s height, and she feels the smaller woman’s hot body pressed against her. 

Lucy managed to turn her weakness into a strength. It’s impressive.

In a swift movement, Alex feels her legs in the air and suddenly her face is pressed to the mat. The air gets knocked out of her as she tries to process the last three moves she’s taken. 

“Did you just let me win?” Lucy lets out breathlessly. 

Alex coughs because the staff is still pressed against her chest. “No, ma’am,” she smiles through it because Lucy is straddling her back as she keeps hold of the staff. She takes a deep breath in, hands pushing at the staff so propel her backwards. She hears a yelp as Lucy flies off her back and Alex moves to pin her on the ground. 

Lucy looks miffed with Alex smirking on top of her. 

Alex doesn’t need to say anything as her eyes meet Lucy’s because the connection is forged. If their fight was any indication, Alex can tell that Lucy is smart, well-trained and she can read Alex like a book. Even if she doesn’t understand it yet. 

_ She’s good for you.  _

For the first time, the voice doesn’t bother Alex. She doesn’t fall asleep hearing Kara. Instead, she falls asleep thinking about how to outsmart Lucy Lane next time.

\-------------------

As Alex suspects General Lane is an asshole. His staunch decision against Lucy being her partner remains. And she’s been benched from piloting indefinitely. Although, that half is her fault considering she walked into his office demanding Lucy be her partner. Lucy wasn’t happy about that development at all but her feelings were ameliorated when Alex told her that they’d be training together regardless. Alex is still bent on evening the score.

Winn stares in awe as the two women go at each other. He is terrified to be on either receiving end of the blows but also of how explosive they are with each other. “Should we stop them?” he asks his partner as they prepare themselves for practice. 

Lucy lets out a yell as she grabs onto Alex. Alex grunts loudly and uses her weight to roll the smaller woman off of her. 

“They’ll be fine,” Siobhan says as she finishes tying her hair up.

“They’re just so... _ aggressive _ .”

“You say aggressive, I say  _ passionate _ .”

“What does that even mean?”

Max Lord appears beside them. “That would explain why she rebuffs my advances,” he voices.

Winn looks disgusted but Siobhan responds with, “No, you're just an asshole.”

Max lets out a low laugh. Their attention is caught with a low thump and Alex has Lucy pinned on the ground. They all tilt their heads wondering if Lucy is going to overtake her. Instead Alex bends down and says something in Lucy’s ear.

Lucy actually laughs before pushing Alex off of her.

Winn cringes again. “Did Major Lane just  _ laugh _ ?”

“I suppose she did…” Even Max is concerned.

Siobhan rolls her eyes. “You boys are idiots.”

“Oh shoot, Marshall Henshaw is here!”

“He’s not the one we should worry about,” Max chimes in. “How is General Lane going to feel about his daughter getting  _ sweaty  _ with Ranger Danvers?” 

Hank crosses his arms as he watches Alex and Lucy spar against one another. 

The way they look at each other is something Hank is familiar with, their eyes trained and focused. Even the way they move with one another shows that their minds matched and coordinated. 

He remembers being partnered with Jeremiah. 

Besides him, General Lane stands stoically staring at the two women. Hank bites back a smile because he knows underneath it, it’s not just the fact that Lucy insists on training but the fact that she’s training with Alex.

Hank has seen Alex growing up. She is the type of person that he wouldn’t let his daughter get near either. 

Not like his opinion matters much anyways. And neither should General Lane’s opinion. Especially in a time of war. 

“She’s a great fighter.”

General Lane’s lips thin before he responds. “She’s been training since she was 5.” 

He keeps his eyes trained on his daughter and Alex sparring. 

“You may not approve of your daughter piloting a Jaeger but Major Lane is an excellent candidate.”

“And you think  _ she’s  _ a good candidate?”

Hank raises an eyebrow. “I think Major Lane is more than capable of co-piloting a Jaeger.”

“No,” General Lane turns his attention to Hank. “Do you think that  _ Alex  _ is a good candidate to co-pilot with Lucy?”

“Alex could be a great candidate for anyone,” Hank counters, earning a hard stare from the general. “You’ve seen her file, she is the most adaptable pilot that we have. But out of everyone here, Lucy is the only one that she doesn’t need to cater her skills to. They are drift compatible.”

General Lane doesn’t respond; he just turns his attention back to the two women sparring. He begins walking towards them. 

“Ranger Danvers,” he addresses as Alex has Lucy in a chokehold. Alex immediately releases Lucy and stands up straight to greet him.

“Sir.” 

General Lane stares at his daughter, who is shooting him a hardened glare. He looks back at Alex. “Meet at the bridge at 0800 hours. We are going to test your neural handshake.” Alex stares at him in confusion. He glances between the two of them. “Both of you.”

\-------------------

Lucy wakes much sooner than her alarm. Her body is coated in a thin sweat and her heart is racing at a million beats per minute. Something inside of her trembles at the meeting in a few hours. 

This hasn’t happened before. This anticipation, the trepidation. There’s an underlying dread in her stomach that something is going to go wrong. 

The last time she’s felt this nervous was when she was walking down the aisle. The only thing that carried her through was the thought of Jimmy at the end, waiting for her. Indeed he was waiting for her, more gorgeous than ever in his white tuxedo to match her wedding dress. It was something out of a dream. Reality had turned it into a nightmare. 

When the first Kaiju appeared, they were there. Lucy had seen it first hand. How could she ever forget their honeymoon? It was when her husband had died a hero. Just a normal man who wanted to make sure everyone was safe. He had given up his life for people he didn’t even know. 

Lucy kicks off her sheets and follows her morning routine. 

When she makes it to the bridge a half hour early, she sees Alex already there, sitting with her legs hanging from the ledge, hugging the railing. 

They tell people not to go chasing the rabbit. That when you chase a rabbit, that’s when everything goes completely south. When you fall down the hole, there is no chance of getting back out. Lucy is a realist. She knows what she’s gotten closure with and what she hasn’t. 

She wrings her fingers. The feeling in her stomach grows even as she holds herself confidently. She’s not sure she can trust herself entirely with this. 

It’s easy being around the Ranger though. Despite Alex’s lewd comments and surprisingly playful nature, Lucy doesn’t dislike the woman. The Ranger is strong willed, clever, tenacious, and (even if she hates to admit it) beautiful. There is a bit of herself that she sees in Alex. Maybe it’s the deep sense of losing someone you love the most or maybe it’s the way we survive from it. 

Through all of these profound and unspoken emotions, they still banter and interact through it all. Alex has a terrible sense of humor and timing for comments, it’s a reminder for Lucy of the reality of this war. It reinforces her motivation that even if they can’t win the war, they’re going to damn well try to.

“It’s been awhile,” Alex says as they strap in. 

Lucy doesn’t know what to say. She can’t tell if the uncertainty is from her or from Alex. “We can do this,” she tries to remain positive. “After all, it’s about time they put me in this damn thing.”

“Of course, you were just missing me,” the banter does make it easier. 

There are just things Lucy can’t express. And the worn look in Alex’s eyes tell Lucy she feels the same. 

_ Into the drift, we go. _

Lucy almost gets knocked out of the drift as soon as the lights and images flash before her. She feels almost everything that courses through her mind as if it were happening all over again. Every single moment of her life that mattered the most, every stinging emotion, every joyous emotion.

_ Don’t follow the rabbit.  _

The first time she broke her arm when she tried to outdo Kaylee Stevens on the pommel horse. The first time she got into a car accident when her mother was driving. The first time she kissed a boy was when she was 10, at a slumber party, her palms are sweaty because it’s the cutest boy in school. Then, the same boy kissing another girl, her best friend the next day. The first time she realized Lois would always be the favorite. The day she signed up for the army. The day she met James Olsen. 

The rest of her life, her memories were of him. Her time with him.

_ The smell of coffee fills her nostrils. The splash of hot coffee on the back of her hand. _

_ ‘Oh god! I’m such a klutz,’ Lucy exclaims as she reaches for napkins. _

_ James’ chest moves with his laughter. He looks down at her and smiles like she’s the most important thing of his life. _

_ She’s jerked aside. Her body hits the metal railing.  _

_ ‘James, get on!’ she screams at the top of her lungs. _

_ Her husband pushes another child onto the boat. He ushers another woman on as if he didn’t hear Lucy’s voice. _

_ ‘Jimmy! Please! Get on the boat now!’ _

_ There’s a terrifying screech. A burst out of the water in the distance. Lucy’s heart sinks. Another burst out out of the water, something is coming for them. Her blood runs cold at sound of the horn. There are screams around them and frantic movements.  _

_ Jimmy hears something in the distance. He runs back to the docks.  _

_ ‘Jimmy!’ Lucy screams. She keeps screaming as she gets pulled again.  _

Lucy reminds herself that it’s all just a memory. That she’s in the drift. She lets go. She has to let go. Even if she feels her heart tearing out of her. The last smiles he shoots her lingers.

She gets knocked over again. Her body is exhausted from the running, the screaming, the pain. Lucy isn’t alone in the drift. Alex appears. 

She sees Alex stumbling out of the alley, wiping her bloody lip. A thin layer of sweat gleaming from her forehead. Her arms are crossed as she addresses the Ranger. Her heart is pounding inside of her, trying to remember to speak. How to speak. There’s a pull in her chest, not away from something, but  _ towards  _ something. 

She sees the memory again. It’s Alex’s memory. 

The way that Alex looks up and down her body. She falters at the thought of herself from someone else’s view. How did Jimmy see her?

The memories slam into her faster than she can capture them. Alex when she meets Kara for the first time. Alex when she kisses Jenny Harper for the first time. Alex when she gets beat up for the first time. Alex when Kara saves her from a car crash. Alex when she graduates high school. Alex when she meets Alison May. Alex when she graduates from college. Alex when she bows down on one knee before Alison May. 

It goes too quickly that Lucy only feels what Alex does. The joy. The sadness. The pain. The excitement. 

_ ‘Alex, we have to do this! I don’t trust anyone else,’ Kara pleads, hot on Alex’s heels. ‘I need you.’ _

_ Alex remains focused. ‘I can’t just leave this.’ _

_ ‘Please, please, please! Alex.’ _

_ ‘I’m not a hero, Kara. That’s you. Not me.’ _

_ Kara pulls Alex around to get her attention. ‘You’re my big sister, Alex.  _ You  _ are my hero.’ _

Kara smiles so brightly, so reverently, so honestly at Alex. Lucy feels her heart swell, the void she’s felt through the memory track fills with hope. 

Then, it’s ripped away. 

Lucy screams at her left arm being ripped from her body; she hears echoes of her screams. It isn’t her anymore. It’s Alex. The wind is whipping at her face, her face mask is cracked and the salty mist fills her mouth. 

Alex’s eyes turning dark and frantic, screaming through her pains. She keeps going, charging the canon, pulling the Jaeger up.

It isn’t a memory of Alex anymore. It’s her co-pilot.

“Alex!” Lucy hollars through the memory. 

The Ranger doesn’t hear her. She keeps going, keeps pressing buttons, with one hand strapped in. 

“Alex, it’s just a memory! Come back!” Lucy screams. She keeps screaming for Alex. 

Her head spins and hurts as she pushes herself out of the drift. 

There’s only yelling from Alex as she falls onto the ground. She scrambles out of the left side of the Jaeger and stumbles to Alex as she writhes in pain. She pulls the controls and whatever else she can to free her co-pilot. 

“Alex, Alex, come on,” Lucy mutters quickly as she pulls the taller woman into her arms. “Shit, shit, shit.”

Alex shivers in her arms, her body shakes with her erratic breathing, and she’s looking everywhere that isn’t her.


	2. part ii

Every neural handshake goes wrong afterwards. They fall out of the drift suddenly and constantly. There is only one reason for it. 

On the third night after their failed test, Alex feels like the decision to come back to the Shatterdome was a huge mistake because General Lane benches them indefinitely. So she leaves the Shatterdome for the first time she’s arrived. There’s no goddamn whiskey in the bunker and she has to go out there and get some on her own. 

It feels better to be out there away from the Jaegers, the pilots, everyone. It feels better to be on her own. It’s better that way and most likely safer for everyone.

When she makes it back, Lucy is sitting at her door, white tank top, green sweats, knees curled to her chest, deep in thought.

“How sweet of you to wait for me,” Alex greets with a slur.

Lucy gets up immediately. “We should talk,” she says abruptly. 

Alex grunts as she moves to open her door. “What do we have to talk about?” She bumps into Lucy without realizing it. 

“Have you been drinking?” 

“You know I like my whiskey.” Alex throws in a cheeky smile as she fumbles with the door for a second before practically falling in. 

“You went on your own?” 

Alex furrows her brow. “Who else would I go with?” She doesn’t want to go with anyone anyways. No one besides her and the voice that whispers in her head on occasion telling her not to go alone. 

Lucy is looking at her with disappointment and frustration. Alex can’t do anything about it. She doesn’t want to deal with this right now. Neither does Lucy apparently. She shakes her head. 

“Alex, we need to talk,” she repeats to get herself back on track. 

“So you’ve mentioned,” Alex drolls. She peels off her leather jacket and haphazardly tosses it onto the chair before planting herself in it to take off her boots. 

“I’m being serious right now.”

Alex sighs. “If you wanna talk then talk.” She bites her urge to roll her eyes as she struggles with her shoelaces. Lucy huffs before kneeling before Alex to help her with her shoes, Alex slaps her hand away. “I got it. Talk.” 

Lucy glares at her. “You’re being petulant.” Alex just ignores it as she practically rips her shoelaces off and toes her boots off. “Alex, what is going on?”

There’s a wave of confusion on her face and she can’t tell if it’s from the alcohol or the train of thought. “I’m sorry. I was under the impression that you wanted to talk. Not me.”

“That’s exactly what I want to talk to you about,” Lucy says as she looks up at the woman. The seriousness never leaves her face. “What is stopping you from drifting with me?”

It takes a moment to realize how straightforward Lucy’s approach to her is. Alex doesn’t take long to recoil. “What makes you think I am the one with the problem?” she deflects easily. She leans back in her chair casually. 

“If I was the one with the problem, I would be the one drunk, right now.” That’s what she likes about Lucy to an extent. She never minces her words with Alex, which makes it difficult for Alex to avoid this conversation any longer as it appears. Her attention is caught when Lucy places her hands on her knees. “Alex, you fall out of the drift at the same point every time. The day that Kaiju ripped Kara away from you. I see, think, and feel everything that you feel in that moment over and over again. I understand what it’s done to you, how it’s changed everything for you--”

Alex’s jaw clenches and she leans forward so their faces are close to one another. The scent of whiskey strong between the two breaths. “Don’t talk to me like you understand,” she hisses. It hurts her more to be so angry and defensive than it scares Lucy. 

Lucy stares at her in return. Her eyes soft and bright under the soft light. “How can I not understand, Alex?” she grits out slowly and seriously. “We’ve been in the drift three times together. I remember the way you felt with everyone in your life, your mom, your dad, Ali, Kara.” Alex twitches. “I remember the way you felt about school, about your program, about your students, about your grant. I remember it all because we were in the drift together. And each time, I feel like I am learning more and more about you because you keep trying to avoid that day at National City.”

Alex clenches the chair underneath her. She hasn’t avoided that day, she can’t avoid it. Everyday, she lives with the thought that she couldn’t save her baby sister. Her baby sister that was a superhero. She was supposed to be the one to make it, not her. The world deserved someone like Kara. The good hearted hero. 

“Alex, Alex, look at me,” Lucy calls out deterring her descent. Alex feels her eyes stinging through the haze of alcohol as she tries to maintain eye contact with her. Lucy’s warm hands cup her cheeks to look at her. “Alex. You aren’t alone in this. Just because you lost Kara does not mean that you’re going to lose me, too. You have to trust me.” 

Alex feels her heart tug because, of course, having been in her head so many times, Lucy knows how she feels about this situation. About Lucy being in this situation.

She shakes her head as the first tear falls. Lucy thumbs it away quickly, but never lets go of her face. 

“I don’t trust myself,” she admits through the tightening of her throat and shivering of her body. “I can’t let you into my head, knowing that Kara is still in there. That Kara is dead somewhere in the middle of the Pacific but lives in my head everyday. I can’t let you carry the thought, the burden, that something is wrong with me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Lucy quickly declares. Lucy throws her arms around Alex’s shoulders and pulls her into a tight hug, chinning digging into her neck, breathing her in. “There is  _ nothing  _ wrong with you, Alex Danvers, because I still trust you even if you don’t.”

Alex exhales through her tears. Her body shakes as she cries at Lucy’s words. Because she feels how Lucy does in that moment. It’s overwhelming and terrifying because it’s the first time Alex hears a voice that isn’t Kara’s. 

\-------------------

They talk more after that. Lucy declares that just because they share a mind in the drift, doesn’t mean that things can go unsaid. If they were going to be partners, they were going to do it right. For Alex, it’s a little odd because her last co-pilot shared years of memories with her, which was a lot easier. And considering Lucy is the first person that’s gotten into Alex’s head for the first time in five years, getting to know a person is harder than it seems. 

Of course, it is Alex’s fault.

To be fair, since the incident at National City, she hasn’t made much effort to get to know anyone for much later than the morning after. The world is still ending anyways.

Except now, Lucy wasn’t going to let Alex let it end without a fight.

\----------

Alex is in the middle of punching the bag when it suddenly stops moving. 

Lucy peers around it. “I had my first kiss when I was 10 years old. It was from this boy named Leo that I had a crush on for three years,” she states freely that it confuses Alex. The confused expression doesn’t stop her. “I really liked him because he had the cutest accent and got fussy when dirt got on his favorite cardigan.”

Alex narrows her eyes. “Sounds like a nerd,” she flippantly says as she moves to grab some water bottle. 

“The next day I saw him kissing my best friend, Daisy, and it crushed me.”

“Ah,” Alex sounds because she already knows this. She takes another sip of her water as Lucy stares at her. “That really sucks?” is the best she can offer. 

Lucy crosses her arms in front of her. “Who was your first crush? How did it end?”

Alex closes her water bottle and goes back to the punching bag. “You already know this.”

“But I want you to tell me.”

It takes a few punches at the bag for Alex to realize that Lucy isn’t joking as she stands there waiting for an answer. She doesn’t stop punching but responds eventually. “Jenny Harper, when I was 11, didn’t go anywhere, she was straight.”

\----------

“Did it hurt when you fell?” 

Alex almost chokes on her soup. “I knew you were straight forward, but leave the pick up lines to me,” she quips playfully as she keeps eating.

Lucy shoots her a disapproving look. 

Alex wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. 

“I mean when you broke your leg,” the military woman shoots back. 

Alex raises an eyebrow. She has a sharp memory and she’s pretty sure Lucy already knows this too, considering Lucy’s spent multiple times in her head. She was in the Jones’ treehouse with Jessica and Kevin, when she “fell” out on accident.

“Because having your memories in my head, doesn’t mean I’m not also a third party observer,” Lucy starts eating her soup also. “What it looked like to me was that it was more than your leg that hurt.”

“You want me to talk about my feelings?” Alex asks, holding her breath. 

Lucy tries to shrug it off. “If you want to. I just wanted to make sure we were seeing the same thing.” 

After a beat, Alex comments, “You’re a little shit you know?” Lucy smiles proudly at this because Alex ends up telling her how she felt that day. And isn’t surprised when Lucy tells her that Alex was bullied much earlier in life than she originally thought. 

\----------

The lab is generally empty after dinner with the exception of Stark, working on the Jaegers. Brilliant genius but terrible with people. There is only two organs that work in that man, his brain and his penis. It took Alex some casual jabs at his ego before he deemed her competent enough to let her mess with some old parts. 

She’s tinkering on an old spinal clamp from the Mack 3 Jaegers. 

“Hello, Major, I wasn’t aware of after hour visits,” Stark slyly flirts. 

Alex furrows her brow before turning from her bench and she sees Lucy standing in the lab. “Major Lane,” she greets casually, like Lucy’s presence in the lab doesn’t confuse her. 

Lucy nods at her. “Ranger Danvers.”

Stark dramatically throws up his wrench as he lets out a frustrated groan. “Lord, you two! Can’t you greet each other like normal people? You’ve spent enough time together that it’s hard to believe that you aren’t on a first name basis.” The wrench clinks off the arm piece he was working on before bouncing onto the wooden table. 

“Can I speak to--”

“Hush you,” Stark silences Lucy immediately. “I’ll leave you two to it. Just remember that if you’re gonna have sex, stay away from the welding bench. Because--ouch--it is not fun for anyone.” 

Lucy gives him a disgusted look, while Alex just shrugs. He’s out before Lucy can even form a proper reaction to his comment. She ignores the fact that he thinks Alex and her are going to have sex in the lab though. 

Alex goes back to writing something in her notebook as Lucy approaches her. “Did you need something?” she asks as she takes notes. 

“What’re you working on?” Lucy asks as she peers at the spinal clamp Alex has mounted under the white light. 

“Research.” 

A beat goes by. “Do you miss it?” 

Alex stops focusing on her work. She pushes her goggles up on her forehead. “Miss what?”

Lucy gestures to the part she’s working on and generally around the lab. “All of this, I suppose. You were on your way to being a doctor before this.”

Alex bites the inside of her cheek as she puts down her pen because it was clear that Lucy wanted to have a conversation with her again. She misses it more than she can express but it’s not like she can go back to it. “It’s just a hobby now.”

The other woman nods, understanding what Alex is saying. Instead of pressing, she asks, “What are you working on?” She leans on the bench to get a better look. 

It’s easier to work alone. No one ever really bothers her while she tinkers in her corner of the lab. Even with Stark there, he is generally getting wrapped up in his own thoughts, making it easy for Alex to feel like she’s alone in the lab. Yet, Lucy’s presence doesn’t bother her as she tinkers and explains what she does as she goes along. 

\----------

Alex sits at the bridge lost in thought as she stares at the Jaeger before her. It’s dark green and black with gold on it’s shoulders and lining the chest, standing sharp and at attention. The core isn’t as obstructive as the Supergirl’s but it’s just as powerful. She tilts her head, wondering if Stark designed this model to commemorate General Lane’s team joining the Jaeger program or specifically for Lucy. 

Alex prefers the latter.

Lucy takes a seat next to Alex, quietly, trying not to disturb the ambiance. She hugs the railing before looking at Alex. “Can you tell me about Alison?”

Alex looks over at Lucy. She sees the curiosity in her eyes and hears the hesitation in her voice as she asks. They’ve spoken more often, Alex comes to realize after meeting with Hank. His curiosity of when they’ll be able to retest their neural handshake is becoming more pressing by the day. 

“You know about Alison,” she responds with a tilt of her head.

“But I want to hear it from you,” Lucy insists quietly. Her eyes are hopeful because at least Alex doesn’t shut her down right away. “What did you love about her?”

It feels like the wind gets knocked out of her as the memories barrel to the forefront of her mind. She’s filled with love, longing, and loss. The thought of Alison Wong, her first real love, the woman she was going to spend the rest of her life with, reminds Alex of another universe where they could’ve been together. 

If the Kaijus hadn’t appeared. If she didn’t join the Jaeger program. Maybe she’d be with Alison and live a normal happy life. Maybe she’d be Doctor Alexandra Danvers. Or maybe she’d be nobody. 

Lucy sits before her, patiently waiting. Alex sees the hopeful look on her face but the understanding look if she doesn’t want to speak about it. Her heart tugs because Alison always had that look for her when work was long and lab was trying. But that other life is behind her, gone forever. 

Alex lets herself smile a bit as she lays her head down on her arms. “We were set up by our friends on a blind date. It was supposed to be a friendly dinner, but they bailed on us. Alison thought I was an asshole, when we first met,” she starts.

Lucy laughs at this. “So you haven’t changed much?”

“Shut up or I won’t tell you the story.”

\----------

Alex is engrossed in the latest report from their tech department on their vitals in the Jaeger when she jumps out of her skin at the sound of knocking. 

“Who is it?” she asks because she never gets visitors. 

“It’s me.” None other than Lucy. 

Alex lets out a low sigh and swings open the door to Lucy standing there, looking uncomfortable.

“I wanted to do something different than my sister growing up, so I wouldn’t live in her shadow. It didn’t help because when I joined the army, I was living in my father’s shadow.”

Alex crosses her arms. “Are we having another talking session?”

Lucy looks sheepish before shrugging. “Yes?”

For a second, Alex thinks about forgoing the conversation, so that she can read the report. Instead she says, “Let’s go.”

“Now?” Lucy looks stunned. “Where?” 

The Ranger grabs her leather jacket. “To get a drink. If you want to talk about family, I am not doing it sober.”

\-------------------

There are two Category Four Kaijus that come through the breech and send the Alpha Strike Team into a frenzy. Max and his partner are down within minutes when one of the distorted looking sharks spits acid out of its mouth and it burns through the core, leaving them exposed. 

Alex feels her heart tug. Those are her people out there fighting. She should be out there. 

“We have to go,” Lucy says beside her on the bridge. Her eyes burn with passion as she looks at Alex. 

Lucy hasn’t been in her head for a month now. Alex doesn’t even know if she trusts herself enough to let Lucy in again. 

None of that matters as she jets off to find the Marshall and General. 

Before Alex knows it, they’re getting strapped into their suits. It’s only when the spinal clamp latches onto her back that when she looks over at Lucy, reality sets in. They’re going to do this. They can do this because it’s their team out there. 

They need to be there. They need someone they can trust.

Alex lets the confidence build up inside of her as she smirks at the woman next to her. “Let’s show them who’s boss.”

Alex stays focused. It feels like adrenaline has been injected straight into her brain as she enters the drift. The blue flashing lights fill her sense as the rapid images fly by. She does her best to focus on the important ones. The thoughts of her parents holding her, Kara smiling at her, Alison holding her hand, Lucy glaring at her for the first time. 

The pain of Kara getting lost echoes in her left arm but the sound of Lucy’s voice calling out to her reminds her to keep going. 

_ There is nothing wrong with you, Alex Danvers, because I still trust you even if you don’t. _

Then the images are filled of Lucy’s memories. Her first kiss with James. The ceremony for her commendations. The signature of her assignment. The elation, the pride, the hope fills her heart. 

Alex blinks and the images stop. They’re synced. 

They’re being deployed quickly in the middle of the ocean. In the distance, she can see through the choppy waters the disfigured creatures attacking Winn’s and Siobhan’s from both sides. Max’s and his partner’s are dead to the side. 

Both Alex and Lucy are trained to assess the scene, map out their options, and execute a plan. Alex feels like her mind is running at a million miles per minute as they communicate wordlessly to one another. It’s nothing like Kara and Alex feels herself thinking more clearly than ever. 

What doesn’t leave her, what actually carries her is the unbridled haughtiness because Alex isn’t a rookie. She is a trained Ranger, has been for years. There hasn’t been a Kaiju that she didn’t help defeat. 

“Wow, even now you’re being annoying,” Lucy jokes at the thoughts running through Alex’s head. 

Alex laughs. “It’s why you like me so much,” she throws a wink at her co-pilot. 

_ It is. _

The thought crosses the pons and Alex laughs again because Lucy quickly distracts her with a plan. 

It feels like hours in the waters as they fight. The Banshee Blue can hold their own as Alex and Lucy arrive. They watch the ferocity and swiftness that Winn and Siobhan control their Jaeger. Without a second thought, Alex and Lucy charge their cannon and raise it up against the second Kaiju attacking the Banshee Blue from behind. The beam cuts across the back of it, causing a painful howl through the crashing waves. Alex charges the cannon again.  

It rushes towards them angrily, tongue hanging out in all directions. They hear the snarl, a sharp inhale. 

_ It’s going to spit. _

_ The acid.  _

_ The cannon isn’t charged yet.  _

Alex files through her memory of reading the Alpha Black’s latest upgrades and features. Lucy blows by her and one thought fills her mind. The major already punches in the code and Alex clenches her fist as the gears turn. 

_ I cannot believe there is a fucking sword. _

It shoots out and Lucy is already guiding their arm forward as their Jaeger turns in position. The metal sword plunges into the shrieking shark’s mouth and it pulls back with a howl. Electric blue blood spatters across their Jaeger and into the sea. 

_ That is disgusting.  _

_ You get used to it.  _

The Kaiju stumbles back and tries to come forward again. The cannon is charged and Alex raises their arm aiming straight for it. The blast digs into its leathery flesh and rips it open, pouring out more blue into the ocean. It’s deformed fangs are dripping with blood and Alex tries not to laugh at how Lucy is internally cringing. She’s seen soldiers die in the war before but never  _ monsters  _ this close. 

The creature is tenacious. The anger and pain fuels it. It leaps towards them. It’s massive size will knock them flat on their back into the water. Neither women allow that to happen. 

Lucy drives the sword into the side of the creature midair and Alex grabs one of its fin-like arms and drags it down in tandem with Lucy’s attack. They stumble back but keep the Kaiju in their line of vision as much as possible. The blade is extracted as the Kaiju falls into the water with a loud splash. The waves crash over it’s body and for a brief moment they lose sight of it; both of them remain alert. 

Suddenly, the Kaiju bursts out of the sea, mangled and bloodied, the sword doesn’t do them good but it doesn’t matter because Alex has the Jaeger, quickly grabbing its open mouth wide open as it struggles to bite at their core. They hear the screeching of metal as the teeth penetrates their palm. There’s only one way to deal with this. Their right knee comes up against the soft belly and the thing screams in pain. Lucy keeps a firm grip on the top of it’s mouth as Alex punches it in the gut again and again. 

The cannon is charged and Alex shoots it clear as it falls back into the water. There is an explosion of electric blue as the Kaiju descends to its death. 

Lucy is cheering in victory as she watches the Banshee Blue drown the Kaiju. 

When they arrive back at the Shatterdome and they disconnect. Lucy pushes off the helmet to her drivesuit, letting her curly hair flow freely as she rushes to Alex. “Is it always like this?” Her eyes brim with excitement and her smile brighter than the sun breaking through the sky.

Alex has never seen a sight as beautiful in a really long time. 

\-------------------

Alex lies awake in bed that night. The threat of the Kaiju being gone has never left her feeling relieved. But as much as her body is worn out from the Kaiju attack, her mind is still awake and alert. 

She rolls over and reads through her notes from the lab. 

It doesn’t take a biomedical engineer to know that Alex has Lucy on her mind. It feels strange having let someone in her head like that. Even though, she still feels Kara’s ghost lingering in her mind, having Lucy has brought her some peace. 

There’s a small knock at her door. 

Alex doesn’t ask who it is because she has a feeling. “Come in.” 

The door squeaks open and Lucy peers in. Her eyes readjust to the small light near Alex’s bed. She enters the room slowly, pushing the door shut. She doesn’t move any further though, instead opting to lean against the door. 

“Are you okay?” Alex asks, trying to hide her concern. 

Lucy takes a breath. “I couldn’t sleep.” 

It’s hard to see Lucy’s expression, while most of the lights are off in her room. Alex has been flippant before, but never daring as to say, “Come lay down with me.” She shifts over on her bed and pats the empty space on the small bed. 

She is about to take back the offer, thinking Lucy might be uncomfortable but the woman moves carefully towards the bed. 

Lucy lies down next to Alex. Her small frame almost fits perfectly as Alex shifts a bit more to make sure she isn’t too far off the edge. Lucy stares at the ceiling. 

Alex isn’t sure what she should do. As distracting as Lucy’s presence is tonight, Alex goes back to reading because when she’s ready she’ll talk. 

“Is it always like this?” Alex looks over at Lucy, whose eyes are still focused on the ceiling. 

“What do you mean?” 

Lucy swallows. “I tried going to bed, but all I could think about was you, your memories, your emotions.”

Alex frowns. It was their first successful drift and maybe Lucy got deeper than before. “It’s called ghost drifting.” Lucy looks at Alex, her eyes full of questions. “Unanticipated side effect of drifting. When I first piloted, I didn’t think too much about it because Kara and I have always had a sixth sense for each other. But we would be miles apart sometimes and I would know how she feels.”

“Do you feel a pull?” Lucy bites her bottom lip. Alex feels her heart beating quicker. “Like a magnet? Because I close my eyes and I just keep thinking of you. In the drift. In the Jaeger. And you’re just a room away but I felt like I  _ missed  _ you.” 

Alex treads carefully as she swallows. There’s a vulnerable look on Lucy’s face as she speaks. It isn’t just ghost drifting that Lucy feels and Alex knows it. She shuts her notebook and sets it on the wall shelf before moving her left arm. Lucy instinctively shifts herself to curl up under Alex’s chin and press her small frame against Alex’s side. 

Lucy slips an arm around Alex’s waist to toy with the hem of her black t-shirt. “Is it weird that I’m scared of you disappearing?” 

Alex holds onto Lucy just a bit tighter to bring some comfort to the woman. She knows why Lucy feels that way. “I’m not going anywhere,” she whispers before kissing the top of Lucy’s head. “Let’s try to get some sleep.”

Lucy nods and stops playing with Alex’s shirt. Her hand stays at her waist, holding on tight as they fall asleep. 

The Ranger falls asleep peacefully for the first time in five years.

\-------------------

It’s been quiet. Two Kaijus and it’s been two week of silence. It doesn’t stop the productivity; everyone’s Jaegers are getting upgrades and repairs. Stark works overtime and actually needs Alex to help out in the lab because according to him, no one is competent enough. 

It’s fine though.

When the second week rolls around Alex looks at the calendar and realizes that she needs a distraction. So she doesn’t mind spending more time than she needs to in the lab, especially if she doesn’t get to sleep much.

“Alex?” 

She is underneath a motor when she hears Lucy’s voice. She slides out from underneath and sees Lucy standing in the doorway with a tray. 

“Hey, is it dinner time?” Alex asks as she pulls out a rag to wipe her hands. She moves over towards her bench and Lucy meets her. 

“It’s a bit past dinner,” Lucy answers quietly as she slides the tray before Alex. “And by a bit, I mean it’s almost midnight.”

Alex’s eyes widen in wonder as she looks around the room for a clock. She shifts her notes around to find her watch and confirms Lucy’s statement. “Shoot,” she rubs her eyes. “That explains why my eyes keep trying to close.” She eats the chicken and potatoes on the tray.

Alex doesn’t even realize she’s inhaling the food until a large chunk of chicken gets lodged in the back of her throat. “Slow down!” Lucy slaps her hand. 

“Ow!” Because that hit was unnecessarily hard. “I’m sorry, I was just hungrier than I thought.” 

Lucy’s lips thin. “Well, if you weren’t wrapped up in working for Stark all day, this wouldn’t be an issue,” her tone is biting and frustrated that it leaves Alex lost. 

“We just have a lot of work to do as all,” Alex tries to explain. She gestures to the messy state of the lab. “We never know when a Kaiju attack is going to happen so we might as well use the time.”

“Doesn’t Stark have men for this?” Lucy asks sharply. 

Alex senses the anger and tries to mollify it with, “He trusts me, you know that.”

“You haven’t been in the training room all week.”

“It’s just been a couple days.” 

“You haven’t eaten a meal on time all week.”

“It’ll just be a few more days.”

“You haven’t even slept for three days now.”

“Lucy, it’s not a big deal.”

“Alex!” Lucy snaps suddenly, startling the Ranger. She looks like she’s about to yell but she stops herself with a deep breath. Alex sits there, unsure of what to do. Lucy clenches her jaw. It’s clear she’s frustrated. “Just--just finish eating and do what you have to do.” 

Before Alex can get another word out, Lucy storms out of the lab so quickly Alex can see a dust trail. She sighs to herself before her stomach grumbles, reminding her it still needs to be fed. 

“ _ She is pissed. _ ” 

Alex jumps at the voice. Stark is groggily tossing aside the magazine on his face. “Were you here this whole time?”

“I was trying to sleep until your  _ girlfriend  _ came in. She had the decency to try and be quiet,” Stark narrows his eyes accusingly at Alex. 

Alex sits with her jaw dropped. “She’s  _ not  _ my girlfriend.” 

Stark scoffs with an exaggerated eyeroll. “She sleeps in your room every day and brings you food. She’s your girlfriend.”

Alex rolls her eyes and goes back to eating. “Wait, how do you know she sleeps in my room?”

\----------

The strangeness doesn’t go away, in fact, it gets a bit worse because Lucy seems genuinely upset at Alex. The next morning, Alex gets out of the lab later than expected and takes a quick shower before rushing to breakfast. Lucy is nowhere in sight, so she sits with Vasquez. Later that night, Alex forgets to go to dinner and Lucy brings her dinner, but she slams it down on the bench and walks right out.

The day after Alex tries to make it to practice. She’s groggy from the three hour nap but if she makes it there at least Lucy won’t try to kill her. Vasquez is there early and helps with some exercises to wake Alex up a bit. When Lucy arrives, there’s a glare she shoots at the two of them. At the end of practice, Alex feels more bruises than ever from sparring with Lucy. 

The third morning of Lucy’s wrath forces Stark to kick her out.

“You  _ cannot  _ be here,” Stark warns as he pushes her out. “Because if you stay here all day, that means bad things happen to everyone else.”

“What’re you talking about?” Alex asks in confusion. 

“Lucy is going on a rampage,” Stark goes on. His eyes dart to the door and he pushes Alex once again. 

“What does that mean?” 

“It means that until you get permission from Major Lane, you are not to step foot in the lab.” 

“Stark, that’s total bull--you don’t take orders from her.”

Stark’s eyes widen comedically. “Uh--yes, I will in this case because she can kill me with her pinky.”

Alex scoffs in disbelief. “I could kill you with  _ my  _ pinky.”

“Alex, can you please just go talk to your girlfriend?”

Miffed by this exile, Alex walks away from the lab, grumbling. “She’s  _ not  _ my girlfriend.”

\----------

Alex feels like this is the first clear air she’s gotten in days as she steps onto the roof of the Shatterdome. In the distance, she can see all of the lights from the city and can only imagine the bustling life. Part of her wants to go into the city for a drink because she hasn’t found Lucy all day, but she doesn’t really need one at the moment. 

As Alex moves around the roof, she finds Hank sitting on one of two beach chairs looking out at the Pacific. 

“Didn’t expect you up here,” Alex says as she sits down in the other chair. 

There’s a bottle of vodka sitting there and she looks at Hank.

“I thought Martians didn’t get drunk,” she comments, eyeing the bottle.

Hank smiles at her. “The taste has grown on me.”

Alex nods as she sits back in her chair to stare into the ocean. There are subtle waves in the horizon but it’s so tranquil at the moment, she forgets that Kaijus even exists. “Do you hear from them?”

Hank looks over at Alex. There is only one  _ them  _ that’s part of her life anymore. “Now and again.”

“How are they?” 

“Doing their best to survive. They opened up a halfway home in Midvale for wounded Rangers, who can’t pilot anymore.”

Alex nods. At least her parents are safer further inland as opposed to the coast. It’s been years since she’s seen them. Ever since National City, Alex has never ventured that far south of California. 

“When you left, they searched for you, called for you,” Hank informs. “I didn’t know what to tell them.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. Kara was a big part of all of our lives. She always wanted to be the hero, to make a difference. And she was. She left a mark in our lives that we can only honor.”

Alex keeps her eyes on the ocean. The bluest waters always reminded her of Kara. “She was  _ Supergirl _ .”

“So were you,” Hank reminds her with a smile. Alex is about to protest but he silences her. “Just because she was a Kryptonian with superpowers doesn’t mean that you are any less of a hero than she was. It’d be foolish to think that she could be able to do this alone. Even she knew she couldn’t do it alone.”

Alex closes her mouth and sits back in her chair. 

_ Alex, we have to do this! I don’t trust anyone else. I  _ need  _ you. _

“I hear her,” Alex admits as she crosses her arms and curls into the seat a bit more. “Everyday, Kara’s voice is still in my head, like we’ve never left the drift. It’s like she’s still alive, reminding me when to get up out of bed, when to eat, when to sleep, and, god forbid, when to socially interact with people. It’s funny because it’s not so different with how it was before we drifted. I’d be at school or work late and she’d call to check up on me and make sure I wasn’t over working to death. Sometimes she’d remind me to call mom and dad to let them know I was still alive.” Alex feels the tears fall down her cheeks without even realizing when they even formed. She shivers from the cool air. “ I honestly don’t know how I’ve made it this far without her.”

There’s a low clinking beside her and she looks over to see Hank pouring an ample glass of vodka. He holds out the bottle to her. 

Alex takes it slowly.

Hank settles back in his chair and takes a sip of the alcohol. “Do you remember the day you landed on National City coast?” he asks.

Alex takes a sip of the vodka and nods. The memory is hazy. All she remembers is that her body felt like it was torn apart. She was battered and bruised all over that she honestly didn’t believe she had made it to shore.

“You were three hours away from shore but you made it back. The Jaeger was destroyed, ripped to shreds on the left side. It was kneeling on the ground and we wondered if you were still in there. And then, it started to fall. We all heard the creaking and squealing of the metal and the loud crash after it fell. But do you know where we found you?” Alex takes another sip of her drink. “We found you thirty feet away with a little boy trying to wake you up. He said you saved him from being crushed by the Jaeger.” 

Alex takes another long sip of her drink. She remembers that now. The little boy was looking for something on the shore when she saw him. She had to do something. She shrugs.

“You were tattered and beaten but that didn’t stop you from saving that boy’s life, Alex,” Hank goes on, his voice carrying the gravitas of what he hoped she would understand. “You were that little boy’s hero.”

Alex shakes her head. “I wasn’t. I’m still not.”

Hank shrugs. “You might not think you are, but what your actions make you one.” He takes another sip of his vodka. “Kara always saw you as her hero. Always.”

Alex nods.  _ You’re my big sister, Alex. You are my hero. _

He lets Alex have a moment of quiet before he adds. “Do you know who else thinks you’re a hero?” There’s a sly smirk on his face as Alex raises an eyebrow. “Your girlfriend.”

Alex rolls her eyes as she wipes away the tears. “Shut up,” she says with a laugh. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

Hank lets out a laugh. “Funny, she cares about you a great deal for not being your girlfriend.” Alex looks over at him as he raises his eyebrows.

\---------

When Alex makes it back to her room, she is still tipsy from drinking with Hank, but she feels a lot better about the week. If she can talk to Hank, then maybe she can talk to Lucy about all of this eventually. 

She opens her door to the single light near her bed and sees a figure lying on her bed, facing the wall. Alex recognizes the white tank top and sweatpants from anywhere. She quietly takes off her jacket and shoes before slipping out of her jeans. 

She tries her best not to disturb her bedmate as she lies down. 

It takes a full minute before Lucy shivers and shifts. She turns her head to see Alex before turning on her side. “You’re here,” she groggily says as she rubs her eyes. 

“Sorry, I woke you,” Alex whispers as she moves closer to share the bed sheet Lucy offers. 

“S’okay, I had a hard time sleeping.” Lucy doesn’t think twice about wrapping them both up under the blanket. Alex slips her arm underneath Lucy so that she can cuddle against her. Her face is right at Alex’s cheek and her breath warms her quickly. When their feet bump, she mumbles again, “Feet’s cold.”

“This is my bed,” Alex cheekily whispers, trying not to turn her head too far.

A hand comes up to Alex’s cheek and suddenly Alex’s face is infinitesimally close to Lucy’s. Her eyes are wide open now as stares into her eyes. 

“Were you drinking?”

Alex holds Lucy’s hand against her cheek to revel in the warmth. “Not much,” she admits. She feels extremely sober now that their noses are bumping. Lucy’s eyes are still searching hers. “What?”

Lucy softens as her thumb brushes against her cheekbone. “I was just wondering if you were okay.” 

“I am now,” Alex smirks, turning on her side.

The other woman scoffs and tries to pull back her hand when Alex gently tugs it around her neck. The distance between them gets smaller and smaller as they face one another. Alex can hear Lucy’s breathing become ragged as her hand grips the back of her neck. 

“You’re insufferable,” Lucy says in her Major Lane voice. 

Alex slips her hand onto Lucy’s waist and feels the woman shiver. “I’m serious,” she whispers between the two of them. “I feel better now.” 

Lucy purses her lips in response. Probably not used to Alex sounds so peaceful. “I’m glad you feel better,” she says, not wanting to press. She could be furious at Alex, but the Ranger is there now. She doesn’t say anything more. 

Alex nods. She is content lying there with Lucy. But something inside of her keeps her awake. There’s an indescribable bubbling feeling in her chest as she breathes slowly and feels Lucy’s breath against her face. It’s like she can’t hold it in anymore. Maybe this is how Lucy feels when she approaches Alex. 

The words come out quickly and suddenly, “I like to work a lot to avoid my emotions.” Lucy looks up at her again with worry across her face. “The week before I proposed to Alison, I was a nervous mess. The only thing that could soothe me was being in the lab and running tests and tinkering with experiments. I used to spend hours lost in thought, pushing back my emotions. Kara would always have to call me to remind me to eat and shower.” Her hand comes up to Lucy’s cheek to smooth her furrowed brows with her thumb. Alex smiles softly. The earnest look on Lucy’s face encourages Alex to continue. “Today marks the day the Supergirl killed the Category Four Kaiju. The day I lost my partner. The day I lost my little sister. The day I lost Kara.” 

“Alex, you don’t have to,” her sentence trails off. 

Alex shakes her head. “I want to tell you about my baby sister, Kara,” she insists. It starts to feel like a weight is being lifted off her shoulders as she exhales. “I want you to know who made me want to be a hero.”

**Author's Note:**

> will be available at my tumblr nocteverbascio.tumblr.com


End file.
